The fantasy that almost existed

RO: Disclaimer: un articol incarcat poate cu prea multe pareri personale ce pot cadea prada usor erorii. Presarat pe alocuri cu furie, tristete, deznadejde insa nu in cele din urma, speranta. O relatare cat se poate de subiectiva a starii de fapt si o incursiune prin viata noastra pe plai filipinez intr-o sensibila si cat se poate de personala perspectiva asupra realitatii traite…

EN: Disclaimer: this is an article charged with maybe too many personal opinions that may fall under error. Sprinkled here and there with anger, sadness, despondency, but in the end, with hope. A subjective narrative of the state of fact and a foray in our lives on Filipino land in a sensitive and much personal perspective of the reality we live…

RO: Am decis sa ne mutam din Romania pentru ca experientele simtite in afara ei, in momentele in care calatoream, au fost linia pe care am vrut sa incercam sa mergem. Da, poate nu ne oferea Romania cel mai bun suport legal, cel mai comod trai. Poate consideram ca platim prea mult pentru ceea ce ni se ofera, poate ca Bucurestiul e prea aglomerat, legile prea stricte si prea multe, peretii prea reci si blocurile prea gri. Insa e ceva cu care am crescut, ne-am obisnuit si i-am facut fata. Constienti ca ne va fi dor de locurile vazute pana acum dar mai cu seama, de cele nevazute. Constienti ca ne va fi dor de parinti si prieteni, de discutii si de cunoscut, am vrut sa tindem spre o viata mai simpla, mai conectata cu ceea ce suntem si simtim. Multi au zis ca decizia este una egoista insa cum poate fi o decizie pe care o iei pentru tine altfel daca nu una egoista? Insa al naibii de importanta: pentru ca e A TA si e PENTRU TINE.

EN: We decided to move from Romania because the experiences we had outside it, in the moments we traveled, were in line with what we wanted our path to be. Yes, maybe Romania didn’t offer us the best legal support and the most comfortable living. Maybe we felt that we were paying too much for what we were offered, maybe Bucharest is too busy, the laws too strict and too many, the walls too cold and the buildings too gray. But it was something we grew up with, got used to, and dealt with. Fully aware that we will miss the places we’ve seen so far, and more so, those we have yet to see. Aware of the fact that we will miss our families and friends, chats, and the known, we wanted to reach for a simpler life, more connected to what we are and what we felt. A lot of people said our decision is selfish, but how else is a decision you make FOR YOURSELF if not selfish.

RO: Cred ca v-am mai spus ca am ales Filipinele dintr-un borcan ce includea Vietnamul si Thailanda, motivele intinzandu-se de la usurinta obtinerii si prelungirii vizei pana la posibilitatea cladirii unei afaceri. Limba engleza, vorbita peste tot, faptul ca stiam de dinainte pe cineva de incredere care ne putea ajuta in absolut orice, peisajele fantastice si asa zisa proximitate de alte zone din Asia (iubiri mai vechi) ne-au facut sa ne mutam in Palawan, o insula fara pericole seismice majore, fara tsunami-uri devastatoare, compacta, cu un aeroport international (vorba vine) si cu peisaje ce o fac sa fie in top 10 de cativa ani incoace. Port Barton-ul l-am ales pentru ca am vrut sa stam intr-o zona turistica insa nu foarte aglomerata ca prietenul El Nido, cu acces la mancare si restaurante, cu o varietate pe care ani la rand n-am descoperit-o nici macar in Manila (am zis de nenumarate ori ca a fi vegetarian in Filipine e o mare provocare), cu acces la plaja (sau hai, daca nu plaja din sat, alte plaje in proximitate) si, in principiu, cu ceva potential turistic si cam cu tot ce “a fi turistic” ofera (transport pana oriunde, inchirierea unei masini in caz de nevoie, o casa unde putem sta, etc)

EN: I think I’ve mentioned before that we chose the Philippines out of a jar that included Thailand and Vietnam, our choice coming down to the ease of getting and extending our visa, and all the way to the possibility of building a business. The fact English was spoken everywhere and that we had someone we could trust to help us with absolutely everything, the fantastic landscapes and the slight proximity to other Asian areas (older crushes) made us move to Palawan, an island with no major seismic danger, no devastating tsunamis, compact, with an international airport (so to speak) and views that make it top 10 for several years now. We chose Port Barton specifically because we wanted to live in a tourist area that wasn’t too crowded like his friend El Nido, with access to food and restaurants, a variety we didn’t discover years on end, not even in Manila (I’ve said countless times that being a vegetarian in the Philippines is a great challenge), with access to the beach (or nearby beaches if not the one in the village), and basically something with a touristic potential with everything that entails (transportation to wherever you need to go, the possibility of renting a car, a place to live in, etc.)

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RO: Pentru ca de 3-4 ani la rand am venit in zona, i-am cunoscut minusurile inca de la inceput. Cel putin, pe cele evidente 🙂 In mod clar, toate au fost vazute din perspectiva unui turist (fie el si mai putin grabit, insa tot turist) insa am sperat si crezut cu toata fiinta ca nimic nu e de neinteles, ca nimic nu e de nerezolvat, ca totul se poate daca-ti doresti si ca nimic nu e imposibil daca speri si vrei. De asemenea, am fost constienti de faptul ca vom renunta la multe lucruri odata cu venirea aici insa vom completa golul provocat de ele cu altele ce ne vor umple pana la refuz. Confortul unei canapele, viteza inimaginabil de mica a internetului, lipsa presiunii sau, pe alocuri, chiar a apei calde. Distanta dintre culturi si distanta, in general. Toate vor fi acoperite si toate vor fi umplute cu altceva. De data asta nou, interesant.

EN: Because we came here 3-4 years in a row, we got to see it’s weakness from the beginning. At least the obvious ones 🙂 We’ve clearly seen this from a tourist’s perspective (albeit one a hurry at times, but a tourist nonetheless), but we hoped, and believed that no challenge would be too great, no problem would be unfixable, that everything is possible if you want it and hope for it. We were also aware of the fact that we would be giving up a lot by coming here, but that we would fill that void with other things till our cup overfloweth. The comfort of a couch, the painstakingly slow internet, the lack of water pressure, or, at times, even hot water. The cultural distancing and the distance literally speaking. All of these would be covered by other things. New and exciting ones.

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RO: Am crezut ca intentiile bune, puterea exemplului, argumentatia sau logica sunt limbi universale si perceptibile de fiecare in parte. La fata locului comunitatea de expati este “o comunitate” doar pentru ca nu exista un alt cuvant care sa-i descrie in timp ce localnicii sunt rupti din vremuri cu macete, campuri de orez si (candva) pesti in oceane.

EN: I thought that good intention, the power of example, argumentation, or logic are universal and perceptible languages to everyone. On the spot, the expat community is “a community” just because there is no other word to encapsulate it while the locals are torn from the times of machetes, rice fields, and (at times) fish in the ocean.

RO: Mediul creat de expati este de-o concurenta si de-o neasumare iesite din comun. Toti cei care vin sunt susceptibili de a-ti lua painea de la gura, in timp ce toti cei care nu au intentii de a investi (in orice, neimportanta fiind marimea afacerii) sunt tinuti la distanta regulamentara, insa suficient de aproape. Caci e imposibil doar sa-ti doresti sa stai si sa te bucuri de ce ai in jur. Musai ai un gand ascuns si nu-l impartasesti pe de-antregul. Asa cum toti fac, ca doar asa stii si tu 🙂 Si adevarul este ca la un moment dat, presiunea si concurenta se resimt. Ajungi sa crezi ca parca a trecut prea mult timp si n-ai facut nimic. Ca tot ceea ce incerci sa faci nu merge din vina ta. Ca orice ai face, trebuie sa fie mai cu mot decat ce s-a facut anterior. Asta in timp ce esti aclamat, sustinut, incurajat, “aclamat”, “sustinut” si “incurajat” de pe margine de … toti cei din comunitate.

EN: The environment created by expats is of extraordinary competition and non-assumption. All those who come are likely to take your bread from your mouth, while all those who have no intention of investing (in anything, the size of the business not important being ) are kept at a regular distance, but close enough. Because it’s impossible just to want to stay and enjoy what’s around you. You have to have a hidden thought and you don’t share it all the time. Just like everybody else does, that’s the only way you know 🙂 And the truth is, at some point, the pressure and the competition are felt. You come to think it’s been too long and you haven’t done anything. That everything you’re trying to do doesn’t work your way. Like whatever you do, it has to be more special than what was done before. That’s while you’re acclaimed, supported, encouraged, “acclaimed,” “supported” and “encouraged” on the sidelines by… everyone in the community.

RO: In ceea ce ne priveste, planurile noastre s-au redus semnificativ pana intr-acolo incat am declarat, dupa aproape un an, ca nu ne putem petrece viata (sau cel putin urmatorii si cei mai importanti 5 ani) corectand greseli, incercand fara succes sa intelegem, alerti in fiecare secunda ca nu cumva ceva fatal sa se intample si sa darame ceea ce vrem sa construim. Luand-o zilnic de la capat cu probleme ce ar fi trebuit sa fie rezolvate cu o zi inainte. Inconjurati in permanenta de neseriozitate, copilarisme, absurd, nepasare, neintelegere… Inconjurati de legi care se schimba de la un sezon la altul, de oameni care inteleg prost literea legii si-o dau mai departe dupa ureche sau o inteleg bine si-o transfera mai-mai sa te arzi putin … mai mult. Am redus totul pan-ntr-acolo unde am decis ca orice vom face de aici inainte sa fie un proces externalizat, dat in primire unei echipe din Capitala care sa managerieze problemele de la fata locului. Chiar si asa, problemele nu au incetat sa apara inca din faze incipiente si am redus iarasi totul pana in punctul in care … pandemia a venit si-am rasuflat usurati ca taraganarea si espectatitva au fost de bun augur.

EN: As far as we are concerned, our plans have been significantly reduced to the point where we have stated, after almost a year, that we cannot spend our lives (or at least the next and most important 5 years) correcting mistakes, trying unsuccessfully to understand, alert every second that something fatal will happen and tear down what we want to build. Starting over every day with problems that should have been solved the day before. Surrounded permanently by insecurities, childishness, absurdity, carelessness, misunderstanding… Surrounded by laws that change from one season to another, by people who misunderstand the letters of the law and pass it on as they interpret it or understand it well and transfer it just so you burn a little … or more. We’ve narrowed it down where we’ve decided that whatever we’re going to do from here on out it’s an outsourced process, given to a team in the capital to manage the problems at the scene. Even so, the problems have not ceased to appear from the very beginning and we have reduced everything again to the point where … the pandemic came and I laughed relieved that the dragging along and anticipation were auspicious.

RO: Etapa asta a venit, cu un pret pe care nu il putem masura inca, cu raspunsuri si solutii pentru multe probleme. Ne-am dat seama ca:

• intimitatea este un lucru care trebuie protejat iar intimitatea unui cuplu este cel mai important lucru pentru ca acesta sa aiba o sansa sa functioneze. Norocul nostru a fost nu numai ca stiam asta si am decis sa ne punem intimitatea in joc tocmai pentru ca avem uneltele necesare de a o manevra si controla ci pentru ca suntem un cuplu puternic, de atatia ani. Am decis totusi sa ne-o recuperam si sa o tinem doar pentru noi.
• calitatea vietii pe care am cautat-o plecand din Romania nu s-a imbunatatit semnificativ in acest loc. Iar pe durata carantinei a fost deplorabila. E drept ca impreuna cu ea, acum, au venit la gramada anxietati, lipsa perspectivelor de viitor sau departarea insa plecarile dese pe care le faceam in afara Filipinelor ne-au facut sa ne mutam focusul pe alte lucruri si sa pierdem din vedere problemele de la fata locului. In Palawan exista un singur loc decent de aprovizionare, Puerto Princesa iar acest loc este la indemana si vizat de fiecare … persoana fizica sau juridica, locuitor al insulei. Asta inseamna ca fiecare restaurant care are un minim de decenta se va aproviziona din locuri decente. Iar fiecare om cu un minim de decenta asupra a ceea ce ingereaza se va aproviziona … tot din aceleasi locuri. Pentru ca puterea de cumparare si stocare a restaurantelor este infinita fata de cea a unui om … ca noi, sa zicem, rezulta ca totul se cumpara si ca nimic nu mai ramane. Asta la pachet cu faptul niciun lant de supermarketuri nu face conexiunea intre cerere si oferta… spuneti voi ce rezulta. Da, acelasi lant de evenimente. Acelasi rezultat pe care-l poti avea cand te deplasezi 400 km dus-intors si te-ntorci sau nu cu ceva in traista. Un lant de evenimente pe care care am decis sa-l intrerupem. Si chiar daca Matei ar avea argumente solide sa sustina ca viata ni s-a imbunatatit, raman la declaratia de la inceputul frazei: nu cred ca ni s-a imbunatatit semnificativ. Sau poate doar anumite lipsuri au ajuns sa cantareasca pentru mine mai mult decat lucrurile pentru care am venit si le-am intalnit la fata locului…
• avem nevoie sa traim aproape de un aeroport international care se ne permita o legatura directa cu orice oras din Europa. Fara ferry-uri care se strica, fara legaturi pe care nu te poti baza, fara tocmeli, fara discutii. Trebuie sa stam aproape de un aeroport international pe care sa stim ca-l putem accesa oricand, cu mijloace de transport conventionale, rapid, la orice ora!
• viata autosustenabila pe care am sperat c-o vom pune in practica aici nu numai ca este un proiect al naibii de complicat insa e ceva ce nu cred ca putem … sustine. Da, nu cred ca putem sustine o viata autosustenabila in adevaratul sens al cuvantului. Am reusit cu brio sa fim sustenabili intr-un cadru mediat de societate insa renuntarea voluntara la lucrurile pe care le apreciem in cadrul societatii e ceva ce inca nu suntem pregatiti sa confruntam… Am, totusi, sentimentul ca vom mai reveni la topicul asta pana la finalul vietii 🙂
• avem nevoie de produse proaspete si diverse. De o piata, de un supermarket de un-orice de unde ne putem aproviziona constant, sigur si de calitate. Ne trebuie acces la lucruri ce tin de sport, masaje, spa, saloane. Vrem sa fim aproape de civilizatie insa cat de departe posibil sa ne putem bucura de liniste si natura fara a renunta la clima tropicala si la tot ce ea aduce dupa sine.
• pentru ca totul se va invarti in online, ne trebuie un internet stabil. Gluma de internet pe care am avut-o pana acum nu numai ca ne-a anxietat si enervat la maximum insa ne-a facut sa pierdem contracte, oportunitati, proiecte si, cel mai important, TIMP. Si, oricat de putin ne place ca suntem din ce in ce mai legati de mediul virtual, e o realitate pe care nu o mai putem nega. Daca nu esti online (pe mail, pe blog, in Social Media, pe Wassapp, pe Telegram, Facetime, you name it) nu existi. Nu putem sa stam o zi (O ZI!) sa asteptam sa se trimita un mail de 100kb, nu putem sa stam o zi sa ne luam doua bilete de avion, nu putem sa stam o zi sa ne vina nu-stiu-ce sms de la nu-stiu-ce banca, nu putem sa stam o zi sa urcam un film pe IGTV si nu putem sa ne luam gandul de la orice inseamna Youtube, spre exemplu. Poate vreti sa ne intrebati daca nu stiam asta de la inceput? Ba da. Am stiut insa am sperat ca intr-un interval scurt (datorita turismului ce incepuse sa ia amploare in zona) ii va veni cuiva o idee creata (inclusiv noi am incercat sa intervenim) sa aduca un internet rapid in zona. Nu numai ca proiectul era intr-un plan indepartat dar acum … ei bine, acum, nu cred ca mai exista deloc.
• nu vrem sa mai facem parte din comunitati atat de mici, in care toata lumea stie pe toata lumea, unde usile daca nu sunt inchise se pot deschide mintenas, unde suntem obligati sa socializam doar ca sa nu parem “ciudatii aia” mai ciudati decat cultura diferita sau modul de abordare al unor lucuri il poate creea.
•  avem nevoie de un sistem de curierat rapid si sigur. Care sa se faca direct si pe care-l putem controla. Fara interventii, fara cineva care stie pe cineva, fara favoruri, fara intarzieri, nepasare, proasta gestionare sau prioritizare precara. Ca sa va faceti o idee, toate coletele sunt colectate in Manila de catre singura persoana in care avem incredere si care poate gestiona livrarea lor catre noi. De acolo se trimit prin LBC (un serviciu de curierat “jos palaria”, cu care n-am avut probleme niciodata, lucru rarisim) pentru ca mai apoi sa se intample una din urmatoarele variante: fie sa fie ridicat de catre cineva care-l poate trimite cu un van in Port Barton, fie ridicat de cineva care este in Puerto Princesa si vine in Port Barton, fie plecat dupa el si ridicat personal. Ultima varianta e si varianta pe care o alegem aproape de fiecare data intrucat van-urile au tendinta sa dispara in neant, cateodata. Sa aiba accidente. Sa fie retrase la garaj. Sa se intample cele mai stupide si absurde lucruri posibile. In Octombrie 2019 am comandat din China un ATV care a prins Anul Nou Chinezesc, pandemia din China si apoi s-a blocat luni de zile in Manila (asta pentru ca lockdownul in Manila a fost unul total). L-am primit … cand credeti? … in Iunie! Nici n-are importanta ca am aflat ulterior ca se putea livra mai devreme, n-are importanta nici de ce nu s-a intamplat asta. Important este ca nu iti poti tine respiratia si ca lucruri de genul asta pot avea (au si au avut) repercusiuni majore asupra unei afaceri, spre exemplu. Si ce-i mai important este nu au sanse reale de rezolvare, niciun orizont de “mai bine”, nicio speranta ca se poate altfel. Sa va povestesc si despre telefonul lui Matei? (mai deosebit, ce-i drept dar sa nu intram in prea multe detalii tehnice:) ) care a fost gasit in Manila, comandat de pe un site de marimea Emag-ului, platit avans si primit alt produs? Avans luat si pana in zilele noastre nereturnat? Fara nicio explicatie in prealabil si fara niciun fel de solutie? Fara niciun un raspuns la telefon de luni de zile. A fost mai simplu sa comande cineva din Singapore produsul si sa-l trimita in Manila (pentru ca mai apoi sa se ia firul livrarii de mai sus). In fine, ati inteles ideea, suntem intr-un vortex fara sfarsit de evenimente absurde, hilare, fara precent si care-ti pun nervii si rabdarea la incercare.

EN: This stage has come, with a price we can’t measure yet, with answers and solutions for many problems. We realized that:

• privacy is something that needs to be protected and a couple’s privacy is the most important thing for them to have a chance to work. Our luck was not only that we knew that and we decided to put our privacy into play precisely because we have the tools to handle and control it but because we are a strong couple for so many years. We decided to get it back and keep it to ourselves.
• the quality of life that I sought leaving Romania has not improved significantly in this place. And during the quarantine, it was downright horrible. Truth be told, with it, now, came a pile of anxieties, the lack of prospects for the future, or the distance, but the often departures we’ve made outside the Philippines have made us shift our focus on other things and lose sight of the problems on the ground. In Palawan, there is only one decent place to get supplies, Puerto Princesa and this place is at hand and targeted by every … a natural or legal person, an inhabitant of the island. That means every restaurant that has a modicum of decency will be stocked from decent places. And every man with a modicum of decency over what he ingests will supply himself… all from the same places. Because the purchasing and storage power of restaurants is infinite compared to that of a person… like us, let’s say, resulting in the fact that everything is bought and that nothing remains. This combined with the fact that no supermarket chain make a connexion between demand and supply… you tell me what’s going on. Yes, the same chain of events. The same result you can get when you travel 400 km round trip and come back or not with something in your bag. A chain of events that we’ve decided to interrupt. And even if Matei had strong arguments to argue that our lives have improved, I stick to the statement at the beginning of the sentence: I don’t think it has improved significantly. Or maybe only certain shortcomings have come to weigh more for me than the things I came and met them for on the spot.
• we need to live close to an international airport that allows us a direct connection to any city in Europe. No broken ferries, no connections you can’t rely on, no haggling, no discussion. We must stay close to an international airport that we know we can access anytime, with conventional means of transport, quickly, at any time!
• the self-sustainable life that we hoped we would put into practice here not only is it a damn complicated project but it’s something I don’t think we can … support. Yes, I don’t think we can sustain a self-sustaining life in the truest sense of the word. We have managed to be sustainable in a society-mediated setting, but voluntarily giving up the things we value in society is something we are not yet prepared to face… I do, however, have a feeling that we’re going to get back to this topic by the end of our lives 🙂
• we need fresh and diverse produce. A market, a supermarket, a anything where we can get constantly, safely, and quality supplies. We need access to sports, massages, spas, salons. We want to be close to civilization but as far as possible so that we can enjoy tranquility and nature without giving up the tropical climate and everything it brings.
• because everything will revolve online, we need a stable internet connection. The internet joke that we had so far not only made us anxious and annoyed us to the fullest but made us lose contracts, opportunities, projects, and, most importantly, TIME. And as little as we like that we’re increasingly connected to the virtual environment, it’s a reality we can no longer deny. If you are not online (mail, blog, social media, Whatsapp, Telegram, Facetime, you name it) you do not exist. We can’t wait an entire day (ONE DAY!) to send a mail of 100kb, we can’t wait a day to buy two plane tickets, we can’t wait an entire day to get an SMS from a bank, we can’t wait an entire day to upload a video on IGTV, and we can’t say goodbye to anything YouTube related, for example. Maybe you’d like to ask us if we didn’t know that in the first place? Yes, we did. But we hoped that in a short space of time (due to tourism that had started to grow in the area) someone would come up with an idea created (we ourselves tried to intervene) to bring fast internet to the area. Not only was the project in a distant plan but now… Well, now, I don’t think it exists at all.
• we don’t want to be part of such small communities any longer, where everyone knows everyone, where the doors if they are not closed they can be opened with ease, where we are forced to socialize just so we don’t look “weird” weirder than culturally different or the way of approaching some things can create it.
•  we need a fast and safe courier system. That’s done directly and that we can control. No intervention, no someone who knows someone, no favors, no delays, carelessness, poor management, or prioritization. To get an idea, all packages are collected in Manila by the only person we entirely trust and can manage their delivery to us. From there they are sent through LBC (a top-notch service we never had issues with, which is rare) to then have one of following things happen: either the package is collected by someone who can send it with a van to Port Barton, either it’s picked up by someone who is in Puerto Princesa and is coming to Port Barton, or we go ourselves and pick it up personally. The last option is also the one we choose almost every time because the vans tend to disappear into nothingness, sometimes. To have accidents. To be withdrawn to the garage. Let the stupidest and most absurd things happen. In October 2019 we ordered from China an ATV that caught the Chinese New Year, the Chinese pandemic, and then got stuck for months in Manila (that’s because the lockdown in Manila was a total one). When do you think we got it?… In June! It doesn’t even matter that we found out later that it could have been delivered earlier, it doesn’t matter why it didn’t happen. The important thing is that you can’t hold your breath and that things like that can (have and have had) major repercussions on a business, for example. And what’s more important is they have no real chance of resolution, no horizon of “better,” no hope that it could be otherwise. Shall I tell you about Matei’s phone? (a more special one, to be honest, but let’s not go into too many technical details:) ) which was found in Manila, ordered from a site the size of Emag, paid in advance and we received another product? Advance paid and to this day unrefunded? Without any explanation beforehand and no solution? No answer on the phone for months. It was easier for someone to order the product from Singapore and send it to Manila (then take the delivery thread above). Anyway, you get the point, we’re in an endless vortex of absurd, hilarious, unprecedented events that put your nerves and patience to the test. 

RO: “Suntem prea batrani pentru asa ceva”, spun eu mereu si “prea tineri” sa ne inecam zilele in gasirea de explicatii si solutii. Pe cat de multa rabdare am gasit in noi in perioada asta, pe atat de putin mai suntem in stare s-o daruim. Pe cat de mult am incera sa intelegem, pe atat de putin mai avem dorinta sa ne dedicam vietile unor proiecte ce pot esua din clipa in clipa. Sigur, lucrurile pe care le-am invatat aici nu ar fi putut fi altfel invatate, decat incercand. Si credem cu tarie ca asta e singura si cea mai buna metoda de a-ti raspunde la intrebari.

EN: “We’re too old for this,” I say always and “too young” to drown our days in finding explanations and solutions. As much patience as we’ve found in us during this period, as little as we can give it. As much as we try to understand, we have so little desire to dedicate our lives to projects that can fail at any time. Of course, the things we learned here could not have been learned otherwise, except by trying. And we strongly believe that this is the only and best way to answer your questions.

RO: Daca nu am fi ramas in perioada pandemiei in Filipine am fi fost cel mai probabil printre aceia care umpleau wall-uri, feed-uri si blog-uri, nostalgici dupa palmieri si apusuri, mango si banane. Va intelegem perfect! Pe noi perioada asta ne-a ajutat sa ne dam seama ca nu vrem sa mai ramanem aici. Ne dorim sa avem zile al caror sens sa nu fie satisfacerea unor nevoi bazale (ce mancam, de unde, cum), sa ne dam libertatea sa ne gandim mai mult la noi, la calitatea vietii pe care o avem si nu in ultimul rand, la visul pentru care am plecat in aceasta calatorie. Ne-am mai dat seama ca “speranta” la fel ca “frica” este un sentiment mistuitor, ca orice sentiment fara explicatie si orizonturi ce ar putea fi intelese in cuvinte concise, ca orice lucru inexplicabil si simtit din strafundurile fiintei.

EN: If we hadn’t stayed during the pandemic in the Philippines we would most likely have been among those who filled walls, feeds and blogs, nostalgic for palm trees and sunsets, mangoes, and bananas. We understand you perfectly! This time has helped us realize we don’t want to stay here anymore. We want to have days whose meaning is not to satisfy basic needs (what we eat, where, how), to give ourselves the freedom to think more about ourselves, the quality of life we have and last but not least, the dream for which we left on this journey. We also realized that “hope” like “fear” is a consuming feeling, like any feeling without explanation and horizons that could be understood in concise words, like any inexplicable thing and felt from the depths of being.

RO: Am decis sa ne protejam familia, conexiunea, visul si viata. Sa nu ne mai agatam de sperante. Sa nu mai asteptam sa SE intample (acest reflexiv care enerveaza orice om cu un minim simt al controlului 😊). Sa nu mai asteptam si punct. Sa nu ne mai legam de proiecte, oameni si situatii. Sa fim flexibili si cel mai important, mobili. Sa nu ne ancoram si sa ne construim castele din piatra care sa ne tina pe loc. Sa putem sa spunem “nu”, sa putem sa spune “adio”, sa putem sa spunem “mi-a parut bine”, sa putem sa spunem “multumesc” sau “imi pare rau”.

EN: We decided to protect our family, our connection, our dream, and our lives. To stop clinging to hope. Stop waiting for IT to happen (this reflexive that annoys any man with a minimum sense of control). Just stop waiting altogether… Stop connecting to projects, people, and situations. To be flexible and most importantly, mobile. To not anchor ourselves and build stone castles to hold us back, so we can say “no,” so we can say “goodbye,” so we can say “nice to meet you”, so we can say “thank you” or “sorry”.

RO: Multumim Filipine pentru tot ce ne-ai oferit pana acum, multumim ca ne-ai fost casa pentru aproape doi ani. Imi pare rau ca n-am ajuns sa te intelegem si imi pare rau daca te-am judecat prea aspru. S-ar putea sa nu intelegem niciodata nimic din ce se-ntampla cu tine insa credem cu tarie ca nu esti mai rea decat altele. Am fost doar noi prea nepregatiti sa-ti facem fata.

EN: Thank you the Philippines for everything you’ve given us so far, thank you for being our home for almost two years. I’m sorry we didn’t get to understand you, and I’m sorry if I judged you too harshly. We may never understand anything that happens to you, but we strongly believe that you are no worse than others. We were just too unprepared to deal with you.

RO: Cat despre noi, o luam din loc odata ce situatia zborurilor se va stabiliza si odata ce vom pune lucrurile la punct in Port Barton. Avem o casa de predat, lucruri de vandut, bagaje de facut. Avem de respirat si de luat “la revedere” calm si respectuos. Am stat prea mult ca sa fugim pe geam si prea putin cat sa ne bucuram, intr-un final, de ce e in jurul nostru. Am mai spus odata, mai demult, ca Filipinele e ca o fata insulara neimblanzita, cu parul lung si zambet de copil. E ca o relatie de dragoste ce stii ca nu va merge (de-aia si intalnesti atat de multi straini care stau aici si-o boscorodesc printre dinti. Care decid sa plece pentru ca mai apoi sa se-ntoarca vrajiti de salbaticia-i). Nu stiu daca va fi si cazul nostru insa intelegem fenomenul 😊

EN: As for us, we’ll move on once the flight situation stabilizes and once we’ve settled things in Port Barton. We have a house to hand over, things to sell, luggage to prepare. We have to breathe and say goodbye calmly and respectfully.We stayed too long to run out the window and too little to enjoy, in the end, what’s around us. I’ve said before that the Philippines is like an untamed island girl with long hair and a child’s smile. It’s like a love relationship that you know won’t work (that’s why you meet so many strangers who sit here and snore through their teeth. Who decide to leave and then return enchanted by its wilderness). I don’t know if this will be our case, but we understand the phenomenon 🙂

RO: Nu ne vom muta inapoi in Romania insa vom reveni pentru o perioada de timp. Ne e dor de parinti, de prieteni, de lucruri cunoscute. De mancaruri vechi, de limba romana. Ne e dor pana si de sentimentul ca in scurt timp vom vrea inapoi la soare si la cald. Ne e dor s-o luam de la capat, altfel. Suntem pregatiti sa ne luam visul de unde l-am lasat, mai cunoscatori si mai asumati. To be continued…

EN: We will not move back to Romania but we will come back for a while. We miss our parents, our friends, things we know. Old food, the Romanian language. We even miss the feeling that in a short time we’ll want back to the sun and warmth. We miss starting over, differently. We’re ready to take our dream from where we left it, more knowledgeable and more committed. To be continued…